Lent

Going on a spontaneous vacation last week took me right out of real life and into a fantasy.  And jumping back into real life this morning brought the surprise of Lent sneaking right up on me!  I love Lent and the Easter season.  And before the exciting and fun distraction of a vacation, I knew I wanted to make the most of my Lenten experience this year.

Instead of a well thought out plan for the season that begins...TOMORROW...

I ended up scouring the shelves and pulling off books we already have, grabbing some candles off the shelf, and whispering a prayer for divine inspiration.

I found Piper's book, The Passion of Jesus Christ, which has 50 devotionals.  So, we will double up on a few of the nights.  I am going to go through this with the bigger kids after the little ones get tucked in.




The little girls and I are working through The Jesus Storybook Bible, which I am LOVING!  They waited so anxiously for baby Jesus to show up, as we read through the Old Testament half, each story foreshadowing His arrival and our desperate need for Him.  We are now to the beginning of Jesus' ministry, and will land on His death and resurrection in a couple weeks.

After missing our nightly readings from it on vacation, the little sweethearts are so happy to be back to their storybook Bible!  They beg for me to read "one more" each time, which I don't do, of course.  The anticipation of not wanting to miss a word of each short story makes them savor each one.  The simple yet profound truths in this gem of a book are so good, I think I'm going to have my 12 year old son make it his daily devotional reading when the girls and I are finished with it.  I highly recommend this one as one of my "must have" books.



I pulled these others down to read over the next few weeks.  As you may be able to tell from the picture, some of them are pretty worn, since we read these over and over in anticipation of Easter.

Gratitude and Grief

Some friends of mine were over for tea just a few days ago.  We laughed about the way a first time mother might think she can predict her baby's whole life, as she just KNOWS she can tell what his personality MUST be, by the timing and force of his kicks within her.

I remember the assumptions I made about my first babies' futures, because of the way they either slept through the night early, or screamed more loudly than any other baby in the hospital nursery.  I am so very guilty...

The longer I'm a mom, or just a human being, for that matter, the more I know how much of my future is not predictable or controllable. So, when others are busy making New Year's resolutions, or deciding the year ahead will be the "year of love", or "year of God's peace", 

I just wonder... 

what does God have in store for me this year?  

I always know I will not be the same person at the end of the year, that I was at the beginning of it.  The birth of the year will come.  Life will happen.  I will try to keep control, while most of the time realizing, it's no use.  Lessons will be learned daily, 

and I wonder all the time... 

what is God working in me?  What kind of thing is growing in this year?  What is this year's name?  What is it's personality?  What kind of future is in store?  

It's usually about this time of year that I realize.  

I see it, all of a sudden- my year's name.  

Without any warning, I shift from trying to learn the small daily lessons, 

and wondering...

to seeing.  

THIS has been my year's journey!  It's not over yet, but the clarity that God allows in this revelation is energizing.  How many soft heart whispers have I heard?  How many conversations with dear friends?  How much emotion I have felt!  And then it all starts to come together.  Not the theme of a life, or an entire epic story, but this small puzzle piece of one year's time.

Today my year has a name.  It has unfolded little by little, until I now see it so clearly.  A year of learning gratitude, yes!  That doesn't mean it's been all butterflies and roses, and I just can't help but feel gratitude.  It's been a year of life- like always... 

miracles and messes all mixed together.  

And in the midst of it all, I am learning what the word gratitude really means, and how a grateful heart really feels, and what being thankful in everything looks like in a real life.  And for some providential reason, gratitude's companion for my year is grief.  A few years ago I grieved over losing an important part of life as I knew it.  But this is not that.  And I do not mourn over any immediate relatives... thank the Lord!  

I grieve over especially precious people whose losses have left huge holes to so many.  And I try the impossible carrying of others' grief... to lessen their burden.  I try, but it can't be done.  I cannot love and empathize their own grief away.  I watch grief.... and feel it.

I feel an empathetic grief that does no one any good.  

And so, I keep my eyes open, looking around me for the evidence of the engulfing grace of God... it is everywhere.  Even in the grief of so many.  I become especially grateful, because I know how much harder it is for some others at this moment, than myself, to be overflowing with gratitude.


I grieve alongside, and am grateful for emotion, for compassion, for family and friends, for love, for lives lived well...

Lord's Day Thoughts

 God is big, truly AWEsome, and more amazing than I can comprehend!  How desperately I need Him and His mercy and grace.  When I think of how hugely powerful my God is, I am overcome with thanksgiving because I am His child.  I am His. 

Here is what is on my mind and heart today...

 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.

 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.

 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

 Come, behold the works of the LORD, what desolations he hath made in the earth.

 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.

 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah. Psalm 46(KJV)

Oh my God, He will not delay... 

my refuge and strength always.

I will not fear.  His promise is true. 

My God will come through always!

Lyrics (Kristian Stanfill- Always)

I feel so safe, protected, and confident in Him, my Sovereign God.   

Here is the message of HaKadosh (the Holy One), the True One, the one who has the key of David, who, if opens something, no one else can shut it, and if he closes something, no else can open it.  (Rev 3:7 Complete Jewish Bible)

Thoughts about Motherhood

Yesterday was a thoughtful day for me. I was thinking so much about the challenges my children and grandchildren will face in their lifetimes. When I think about the changing world, and how quickly things progress and change in this day and age, instead of being discouraged, I become energized!

I say this over and over again... God made me for now!

God made my children to serve a purpose in their generation!

We are here for His glory in THIS moment in history!

So, these thoughtful days remind me of the HUGE role I play as a mother in this epic story of our world. (The word epic is really overused lately, I know!)

But when it comes to God's supernatural plan for His children and the way He chose to let His story play out on this "natural" sphere of water and land, the perspective of considering timeless eternity causes me to feel the responsibility that comes with being a mother. The lives of my children are so greatly affected by mine... I can feel the awesome weight of that influential position!

I am responsible for teaching my children about the God of creation.

I am responsible to train my children to trust God's Word.

I am responsible to be an example of godliness.

I am responsible to disciple my children like Jesus disciples.

I am responsible to prepare them to defend their faith in this world.

I am responsible to point out God's handiwork all around them, so they will see and know Him.

I am responsible to show them what God's love looks like coming through a human vessel.




Ultimately, God calls them and draws them, but I have a very important job to do! Creator God gives his creation a chance to glorify Him by affecting GENERATIONS!!!

LORD, HELP AND EMPOWER ME TO DO YOUR WORK!





...Toward the end of my thoughtful day, I was able to have a wonderful conversation with my own mother. Thank you, Lord, for the gift You gave me in a powerfully godly influence!

What a gift, to have the chance to be encouraged by my mother...

Encouraged to stay strong... not grow weary!

Encouraged to teach my children God's truth, so they can stand up for what they believe in.

Encouraged to equip without overwhelming.

Encouraged to keep praying and believing when the days are long.

Encouraged to remember God's grace and mercy when I can see my human limits.

And thank you, Mother, for your witness in faithfulness. I love you! Thank you for ending my evening with a conversation that reminded me of the blessing that is passed from generation to generation... down from mother, to mother, to mother. As we train our little ones, we are training them to train their little ones, and on and on.




... And then my day ended with bittersweet tears, as I read another's blog article about saying goodbye to her own mother. Oh my...

...what a way to end my thoughtful day- sad for a sister in Christ, but more than that-

reminded deeply of the influence of a mother. How greatly the heart is affected by the relationship of mother and child! This is God's plan... His way.

Oh, that I can be faithful in my calling...

May the Lord continue to empower me and other mothers like me who hear your call, and long to touch the hearts of generations!

Letter to a hurting friend

Dear sweet friend,

What a lovely woman of God you are! You reflect His beauty in your loving, accepting smile and radiant glow of femininity. You reflect His love in the way you reach out to your precious family and your friends. You were created to be beautiful, feminine, nurturing, compassionate, strong... He had your future in mind when he directed the paths that brought you here.

You were created for here and now. You have tremendous purpose in the lives of those who are blessed to call you lover, mother, and friend! You are an amazing testimony of God's grace!

When you are weary, rest in your Heavenly Father. When you are hurting, feel His arms wrapping you in love. When you feel alone, hear him whisper that He is all you need. When you need an encouraging word, bathe yourself in His Psalms.

God's love for you is amazing and incomprehensible! You are His treasure; and He paid the very highest price for you! Meditate on God's pure and holy love that took His son to the cross. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:5)

God will carry you through this place He has brought you to. You will testify of His mercy and grace! Our Father is so proud of you; and has an incredible plan for you, my dear friend. Be encouraged...

Your sister in Christ,

Dawn

Moving and Growing

My family moved a lot when I was growing up. And I liked that.

Each time we moved, I got excited about the chance to meet new people and introduce myself in a new way. I could change the things I didn't like about myself and turn over a new leaf. I could bring out attributes that I had wished I would have exhibited in the last place we lived. I could evaluate my strengths and weaknesses, and become a brand new me!

I'm realizing what a great preparation that was for my life as Mrs. Superman.

Certainly, the moving prepared me for living in 12 different homes in 15 years of marriage to my "change-is-fun" man. But that's a different kind of flexibility. The ability to adapt as a wife to new situations is what I am thankful to have been prepared for.

How many different identities have I had as a wife? Oh, the countless hats I've worn, like so many women do! And each time my life changes... as my ministry as a mother grows, and as my personal goals and interests develop, I morph into a new me. That's what we women must do, isn't it?

Besides those personal changes that I go through, I am also a product of my husband's changes. I find myself there now. As my man evaluates business transitions and new political involvement at this time, I am in "ready...set...adapt!" mode. It's time for my overly-analytical mind to go into overtime; thinking, planning, assessing, re-inventing. Thank you God, for your peace and your still small voice that I can rely on! Thank you for showing me throughout my life that change is indeed good, moving along to the next stage is part of life, and growing as a woman is your plan for me.

I have not always been perfectly graceful in my transitions. At my core, my personality craves consistency, structure, stability, and routine.

So often it takes me some time to get used to the idea that it's time to grow again. I almost always start out holding on tightly to what was the last version of myself. It feels good to just stay still. And then I slowly begin to let go of what is comfortable, and little by little I give in to what God has planned next for me. I'm in the middle of that particular phase of the transition God is working in me right now. But I am confident that God will see me through to completion, like He is always so faithful to do!

I am so thankful that God saw fit to gently teach me as a child that I can embrace new times, new experiences, and new demands without fear.

'09-'10 School Year

So... I never thought I would say something like this, but homeschooling was NOT the thing that got most of my energy and attention this school year. The children did fine, and got most of their work done. But my high, idealistic standards were nowhere near met this year. God had a more hands-on, real life learning year in store for us. Of course, the lessons learned in those times are usually the best lessons of all.

Along with giving birth in the middle of August, I had to work with little Janie on some nursing difficulties. I invested a great deal of time and effort to keep my little darling breastfeeding and gaining weight. Breastfeeding troubles in the first few months can really try a mother's emotions, but I could feel God sustaining me through it. I felt like I was right in the middle of a miracle! I knew just what lesson I was learning as it was happening. I could clearly tell that I had to trust in God for the motivation and direction that I needed to make decisions on what to do about daily challenges. I had no choice but to have total dependence on God if I wanted nurse my baby, which was definitely my hopefull desire. Thank you God, for seeing us through that!

Besides the incapacitating nursing situation, five other kiddos with needs, and trying to homeschool, there were two other major life experiences going on this school year.

I mentioned in earlier posts that I was going to finish my degree this year. That experience felt a little less miraculous. I did it... I got straight A's... but I did have my moments of frustration and stress. I felt some guilt on this one stealing from our homeschool. It wasn't a neccessity to finish my schooling right at this time. But the opportunity presented itself, and it seemed like a shame not to take advantage of the program that became available to me. In a way, I thoroughly enjoyed handing in my work and getting graded and praised for a job well done. Actually, I may have enjoyed that a little more than I should have. But it really comes down to God working in me there too, and even though I didn't feel real spiritual when I was shoo-ing the kids out of the room so I could do my homework, I know there is no way I could have finished in my own power... I just don't have that much energy and brain power! And I called out for God's grace and mercy to cover my parenting gaps on this one as it distracted me from my real job more than I would have liked.

The other major project in my life this school year was political. In January, my husband decided to make a run for U.S. Congress. When he asked me if I was up for a political campaign, I had no idea what I was saying "why not?" to. I could tell my husband was right on about God's direction on it, so I stepped forward in faith. I knew God wouldn't give me more than I could handle! Kurt actually told me that he would take care of the campaign, so I could keep on track with my college classes. Realistically I should have known that it wouldn't be quite that simple, but when it comes to leaps of faith, ignorance is bliss, and then God steps in! I felt God completely carrying me through what could have been the craziest four months of my life. Again, I could feel myself being sustained in away like I have never experienced before.

In the middle of May, I graduated and the campaign came to an end. I am now attempting to transition back to a "normal" life. I will be extending our school year through the summer, because there are things I want to cover before we start next year. But things feel different now. I am suspicious that God has a new normal for me. It seems as though, even though my flesh would love to reach back into the past that seemed like a simpler time, God is ever moving me forward, stretching me and pulling me. I am so greatful for the flexibility that comes with homeschooling, and that we can, if we will, submit to God's plans and timing for our family.

God gets the credit (Part 2)

I'm really not sure where I fall on the whole "Quiver Full" debate. I haven't fully studied it nor have I even read a book on it. The sum of my knowledge on the subject comes from reading articles, blogs, and having some friends who have looked more deeply into it. So, I am by no means able to speak on the matter.

But I do know that God has put in my heart the deep desire to have children. After having my first baby, I knew for sure that I wanted to have a sibling or two if I could. But when my first two children turned out to be a boy and a girl, all the reactions from people were that we now had the perfect family and that there was no need to bother having any more. Even though I knew that the choice was up to me, I couldn't help but feel that yes, we had accomplished the goal and now I could just enjoy my perfect family.

Two years after my second child was born I started to have baby fever. I couldn't understand why I felt the need to have another one, and tried to figure out what to do with this desire. The best solution I could come up with was to get a puppy! That would help. In fact, we went ahead and got two for good measure. It only took a few months to realize how silly that idea had been and so on went the analyzing and agonizing over what to do about this dilemma. We finally decided that we might as well just "have another one". I enjoyed this third baby, little Andrew, immensely. After having him in our lives, I wondered why I ever debated about whether to have that "one more".

Well, I supposed we were done with this baby business now that we had our three. I didn't know many people who had more children than that anyway, and it seemed normal and the usual practice for the typical family. So, I stayed busy with my three sweethearts and every time that little feeling would creep up, I would dismiss it. Thus, the five year gap between babies number 3 and 4. Obviously I still couldn't make that persistent desire to appreciate another sweet little person in my life go away.

Baby number six will be here soon, and I am just as in love with her already as I am with my others. I have come to understand much better why I want to have babies, and why I love large families. I now have a more Biblical understanding of children. I now see that our culture tends to see children as more of a burden and an expense instead of as a gift, blessing, and an addition to that testimony that God is working in us. It's another one of those things that is an evidence to the world around us that we rely on our Heavenly Father to provide us with the grace, skills, and provisions necessary to do the job of parenting these blessings.

See what kind of list "the fruit of your body" is included in:

1 “Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the LORD your God will set you high above all nations of the earth. 2 And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the LORD your God:3 “Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country. 4 “Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks. 5 “Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl. 6 “Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out. 7 “The LORD will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before your face; they shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways. 8 “The LORD will command the blessing on you in your storehouses and in all to which you set your hand, and He will bless you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you. Deut 28

When I realized that children were part of this blessed life that God has planned for us, I began to see them as He intends me to. I already had that God-given instinct and appreciation for family because of what God had already done in my life to shape me towards godly motherhood. But in my more recent years, I have now learned that children add value instead of cost. God has confirmed to me and assured me through many scriptures in His word that that love for bringing children into the world is indeed good!

When people now say "Wow!" to my waiting for baby number six, I can give God the credit for my thinking that yes, it is a good thing to have six children, and yes, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

God gets the credit (Part 1)

The longer I'm married, the more years I've homeschooled, and the more children I have make me realize how God has made this Christian walk thing work itself out. It's through the daily, real-life stuff that our testimony is made known. Of course there are so many other variables and life lessons learned along the way too that contribute to my testimony. But in this blog, I will focus on these wife and mothering issues that are so close to my heart as I prepare to welcome our sixth precious child into the family. I adore my family! I love my husband and children so dearly that sometimes it overwhelms me to think about it. I also love being a stay at home mom, and homeschooling. It's my dream life. But I want to take a moment to give some perspective on how Christian wives and moms have to rely heavily on God's working through us to be able to be good at what we do.

It's funny how people can watch our lives from a distance and guess how things must be for us in our family's life. So many times people have made comments to me about my choice to homeschool that revealed their "perceptions" about me. People assume that you must homeschool because it's easy for your particular personality, or that your children were born obedient and eager do multiplication drills, or that must you not have any desires like they do for appreciation, time away from home, and goals met from a career or even just the freedom of running errands without kids, having lunch with girlfriends and lots of "me" time.

The truth of the matter is that I decided to homeschool because I felt that it was God's plan for my life as a mom and for my children. That's the beginning. Then comes the growing! This is what makes my life a testimony. I absolutely do not have what it takes to be a homeschool mom. I am so flawed, so human, so selfish. But the growing that I've had to do to be the kind of wife and mother God wants me to be is what makes me more like Christ... the ultimate goal. It would be easier to make choices that would free me up from these "growing (in spiritual maturity) pains". But then what would I be accomplishing for God's kingdom?

Isolate yourself in your home with your children and try to do character training, school work, and the usual cooking, cleaning, and kid-friendly recreation, and see how long it takes you to figure out you need God's help in this venture. Learning to deal with your children using the fruit of the spirit is truly a miracle that proves that the Christian walk is all about becoming more Christlike from our daily challenges. Just about every day I feel like I'm still learning how to deal with my "moments" in ways that make the Lord proud. Honoring God with my actions and attitude is a constant struggle. But each small victory is becoming part of my testimony.

Each prayer prayed for direction and guidance with a particular child and the struggles I see them facing is an investment in God's kingdom and our story. Every deep breath taken before a whispered call for help from me to my Heavenly Father becomes a prayer of thanks given to Him for doing the work that my humanness was inadequate to perform. All good things that have come from my life... especially my life as a wife and homeschool mom have been God working through me, in spite of me. He deserves the credit for those comments people make about not knowing how I do it, because they think they couldn't. I can't either. God can though.

Lent

Lent takes my focus from the bare trees, cold weather, and sniffles of the winter season, toward the sacrifice of my Saviour! What a wonderful opportunity Lent provides... one that helps me to simplify my time and thoughts and bring a sharp focus onto preparing my heart for Easter.


Simple Gifts

'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free,
'tis the gift to come down where you ought to be
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.

Refrain:
When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed.
To turn, turn will be our delight,
'Til by turning, turning we come round right

Tis the gift to be loved and that love to return,
'Tis the gift to be taught and a richer gift to learn,
And when we expect of others what we try to live each day,
Then we'll all live together and we'll all learn to say,

Refrain

'Tis the gift to have friends and a true friend to be,
'Tis the gift to think of others not to only think of "me",
And when we hear what others really think and really feel,
Then we'll all live together with a love that is real.

written by Shaker, Elder Joseph Brackett, Jr. in 1848